Archive for February 2012
Those of you who know me know about my surrogate son, Marty. He’s a wonderful, very sensitive, sometimes obnoxious 22-year-old. Tonight, I received a panic-laden phone call from him that went like this:
“Ron. I’ve got a very serious problem, and I don’t know what to do. My friend, ‘Carol’ just told me that she wants to die and that she took 50 sleeping pills. What should I do?”
He gets flustered easily. This time it was warranted. Being as closely involved with this anti-suicide mission as I’ve been since the onset of this blog paid huge dividends. I knew exactly what needed to be done.
“You need to get off the phone with me and call the police immediately! Tell them exactly what you just told me. Give them all of the information you can about where she is right now.”
Reluctantly, he hung up and followed directions to the “t”. “Reluctantly” because he didn’t know what to expect from his friend. “Reluctantly” because dealing with the authorities makes him nervous. I guess. Whatever the reservations, he got the job done. Shortly thereafter, the police called back and told him that they’d contacted his friend Carol and that she’d told them that she was just fine. This was confusing.
There was also some apprehension on his part because he knows his friend and knows that, well, she’s cried wolf before. In fact, he became a bit agitated. I reminded him that “this is not about you; it’s about Carol. What if she’s telling you the truth? What if she really did take the pills. You cannot chance the possibility that she COULD be telling you the truth this time.”
A phone call from her confirmed that she had, indeed, told him the truth. He could hear the grogginess in her voice. He called the police again. This time armed with an address he could give them, they were able to send a squad car to her home.
They reached her before the pills had time to take full affect. Stomach pumped, Carol is now recovering in a local hospital. An exhausted, dazed and confused Marty helped save his friend’s life. Of course, never to miss out on a dramatic moment, now he’s concerned that she’s going to be mad at him when she gets out of the hospital. He’s concerned that his actions tonight may have ended their friendship.
For myself, this was a learning experience, given up close and personal. First of all, knowing what to do when you’re faced with an in-the-moment crisis is absolutely crucial. If someone has already swallowed a bottle of pills, or is standing in front of you with a gun in their hand pointed at their head, there’s no margin for error. Knowing what to do in the heat of the moment is imperative. This is why I repeatedly list resources that can be used if ever faced with that situation:
Needless to say, there are more resources available. However, having these handy will save lives if used. And, of course, if the urgency is there (as was the case with Carol), dialing 911 is critical.
When do you take a suicide threat as a bluff? Easy answer: never. Even in a case where you know that the person has a history of crying wolf, or is prone to drama, you never know when “this” would be the time when they’re telling the truth. Had Marty followed his intuition, and his history of dealing with Carol, chances are pretty good that she’d be gone, now. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dealt with someone who raised questions as to whether or not they were being sincere or just having fun at my expense. However, I treated each case as if they had the loaded Glock pointed at their head as we spoke. There is no alternative. We don’t have a choice.
People who have suicidal ideation have no intent or desire to wake up in the hospital. I surely didn’t. And, I was quite unhappy to wake up in ICU and learn that a.) I was still here; and, b.) that my sister had saved me. Unhappy, yes. Mad at her? No. Conversely, I do know that there are times when the unsuccessful suicide victim becomes very angry towards the person(s) who saved them. They get over it. Eventually, they come to the understanding that life is good and that they’re glad that someone intervened. When a person is to the point in their life where the only viable option to them is suicide, they’ve given up all hope for any semblance of a bright future, of being happy, of things actually getting better. To have someone “ruin” their well-thought out plan of suicide is maddening. The bright side is that, as time goes on, we start putting the pieces of our lives back together. All of a sudden, new opportunities arise and we see hope for a brighter future. We get in touch with things that make us happy…maybe even learn some new things that accomplishes that goal. Little-by-little, things actually do start to get better. And, that’s when we realize how happy, and grateful, we are that someone had the courage to risk our relationship for that sake of saving our life.
It probably won’t set in with Marty for quite some time the role he played tonight in Carol’s life. Without him, her family would most likely be making funeral arrangements right now. Because of him, they’ve possibly been saved, even if only for now, from a lifetime of debilitating grief. I’m mighty proud of him.
It’s feels good to write a happy ending.
Spencer’s suicide was the result of binge drinking. Alcohol. That cunning, and quite legal, drug that claims thousands of lives annually. At the root of the suicide, however, was something deeper. I certainly cannot tell the story any better than his own mother. It’s a very compelling story, indeed.
In the media, and in the circles of social media, we hear a lot about bullying as it pertains to young people ending their lives. And, make no mistake, bullying is an issue that demands a lot of immediate attention as it truly is playing a large role in many, many teen suicide. However, bullying is not the only reason young people commit suicide. Understanding that is a vital baby step in the right direction. Knowing some of the other issues that leads young people to feel suicide is the only answer is an essential quantum leap in that same direction.
Depression has been named in many teen suicides even since I began this blog in November. In some instances, even if there’s been bullying, depression was the actual root. The bullying simply exacerbated an already volatile situation. Understanding depression isn’t restricted to just the psychiatric field by any stretch. We can educate ourselves, as well. We can, and we must if we’re to save lives. But, the vast majority of us are not professionals in the field of mental health. Therefore, how would we know? How could we spot it? And, better still, what do we do when we do recognize it? That’s where educating ourselves comes in.
See, if we’re to truly make a difference, if we’re really serious about bringing about change, it’s going to take so much more than just ranting about how bad it is that all these beautiful young souls are killing themselves or how horrifying it is that these young people are being bullied. And, that’s not said in a derogatory manner by any means. I do as much ranting as any two people combined! That said, and beyond the ranting, it’s going to take real action if we’re to rein this back in. It can be done.
Sometimes, something as simple as a kind word, or an attentive ear can make a difference in a young person’s life. Far too many of these young people feel disconnected, a sense of worthlessness even as their families and friends surround and shower them with love and attention. Self-esteem appears to be a major factor. So, giving them positive reinforcements regularly helps bolster their low sense of worth. As non-professionals, we can still help reverse that by reminding them, constantly, of the positives in their lives.
For Spencer, perhaps it was a mixture of all the above. Certainly, the drug we call alcohol delivered the final blow. But, there were already mechanisms in place that created the environment, if only in his own mind, that made Spencer feel suicide was the answer. His loving family is left to attempt to put the pieces of this puzzle together. I hope Spencer can now find the peace that eluded him here on Earth
As I was preparing to leave the house to go to work, I ran across this post from a girl who regularly posts in one of my favorite facebook communities. It stopped me in my tracks.
I ask everyone to check this out. This is my home state, and I believe this bill will negativly effect the LGBT youth in TN. This will also prevent any LBGT facing discrimination to seek a supportive teacher for information. The bill has already been passed by the senate and the K-12 subcommittee. Give ‘em call?
It grabbed my attention because I love the things she posts in this particular community, so I always pay attention when I see her name. It grabbed my attention because I’ve already written about Stacey Campfield’s myopic bill that he’s trying to push through legislation in Tennessee. And, I’ve posted links to a petition put in place to get this bill killed. This particular bill, dubbed the “Don’t Say Gay” bill will have a devastating effect on the LGBT students in their school system, in a state that has already had 2 LGBT teen suicides since early December. So, I will post the link to the petition again and hope that every single person who reads this article will sign it. Remember Power in Numbers? We can change things.
By clicking the link in her post, “check this out“, you will see a list of phone numbers to call and voice your complaints and opinions. Wouldn’t it be great to find out that their switchboards were overloaded with incoming calls on this matter!? Whatever it takes.
Call it a “Call To Action”; call it “getting involved”. Whatever. I called it zero tolerance for intolerance and hatred. This is “bullying” at a high level. We can stop it if we all work together.